Monday, April 16, 2007

The rules are....there are no rules


The chocolates I blogged about last week have been promoted to the top of my bedside drawer. I didn’t want to hide them..I no longer need to hide food away – that was for back in the old pre-Beyond Chocolate days when I had to hide my food with the hope that I would forget about it and just eat it when I had been good and allowed myself a treat. I decided to reverse that old mentality totally and actually celebrate the chocolate. The cardboard box is gone, replaced with a decorated tin box with gorgeous ribbon and a bow. It sits where I see it all the time, as soon as I go to bed, every time I walk in my room every morning when I get up.

The first few days I noticed it every time I walked in the room. I had a few chocolates at times when I enjoyed it. Sometimes I would just open the box and smell the chocolate. My intentions were great until hormones hit and I had a moment of emotional weakness. I wasn’t even hungry when I gulped the remaining 9 chocolates down mingled together in almost one mouthful. I didn’t taste a single one, it was a sad, mushy, tragic waste of good chocolate. My husband who has vowed to refill the box every week to help me learn to live intuitively with chocolate did as he promised and just like the magic..the little box is full again.

I have had a couple but I realised something today….I have almost stopped noticing the box is even there!

I have changed a lot over the last few days. I was restricting myself too much. Telling myself:

I HAD to sit at the table to eat, and this encouraged me to drink more coffee instead of eating when hungry so that I could stay at the computer just a little bit longer

I HAD to consult my hunger scale

I HAD to write down my feelings before eating, this included writing down the time so I started to concentrate on how long it was in between eating and berate myself for being hungry too much

I HAD to eat when only hungry, therefore feeling restricted and finding myself back in binge mode by 3pm each day.

I HAD to leave a bit of food on my plate to prove I could do it but it also made me feel restricted and resentful

I honestly thought that this was Intuitive Eating for me, but it wasn’t. It was just a different way to secretly diet – so secret in fact that even I didn’t know I was doing it until I decided to loosen the reigns and see what happens…

What happened was:

*That sometimes I ate breakfast in front of the pc and sometimes I ate dinner whilst watching the news but most of the time I sat at the table to eat and enjoyed it.

*I stopped worrying about the hunger scale and paying more attention to my body and how it was telling me it was hungry

*I stopped writing down my feelings before eating and spent more time recognising them, I stopped focusing on the times I was hungry and I stopped thinking about food so much

*I let myself enjoy some biscuits (cookies) after dinner when I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t feel compelled to binge eat every thing else I could get my hands on after wards because of that freedom

*I allowed myself to eat every single tiny teeny weeny crumb on my plate but found I was naturally choosing smaller portions without a second thought

It was great. A really brilliant week. A week of getting to know myself differently


THIS WEEKS GOAL: Do something to de-clutter my life

Monday, April 9, 2007



My last goal was to start an exercise routine, it wasn’t so much “routine” but I moved my body a few days out of the week and really enjoyed it.

I have some exciting news….it’s about a visitor. He comes to our house every year and I start dreading it weeks before hand – months even! He doesn’t stay long but it’s hard to forget he has been because the stuff he leaves behind sometimes stays for days, weeks or months to torment me and make my life a living hell!

This year I was not scared at all. Bring it on I said! I even looked forward to his visit.

Last night he came but was gone by the next day. He left all sorts of goodies for Miss 4, goodies in all different shapes, colours and textures. She has always loved him. Even Dermat got a large welcomed gift.

Normally I miss out – begrudgingly. I am anxious and not happy about the whole visit. I insist that I don’t want any gifts. I even feel upset if they are given to me on the day because I know I won’t take the time to enjoy them and will more than likely spend days berating myself and feeling guilty for giving in and accepting them.

This year it’s different, not only did I want him to leave me goodies but I wanted them to be plentiful and of the best quality.

I got a beautiful box of hand picked gourmet chocolates. They stay in my bedside draw. They are very special. Only to be eaten at a time when I can sit and give them my undivided attention and knowing that I really really really want them.

Thank you Mr Easter Bunny and sorry it has taken so many years for me to actually welcome your visits!

SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT THE LAST WEEK: Good chocolate not being wasted on unhungry bellies and mindless eating

THIS WEEKS GOAL: To get hungry enough to eat one of those lovely little chocolates

Monday, April 2, 2007

The Hunger Scale


My last goal was to re-read beyond chocolate and I have read a little every day in anticipation of starting the course this Wednesday. I am doing the course with fellow blogger Brooke so the extra support will be very encouraging.

I didn’t have a great Intuitive Eating Weekend but I made a discovery last week that I know is going to help me as I implement it into every day life.

It’s the Hunger Scale. It’s been typed out and sitting on my fridge for a long long time but I have not paid a lot of attention to it. Last week I decided that as part of the BC principle of Tuning In before eating, I would also rate my hunger according to the scale.

So many times I thought I was hungry and I really wasn’t.
So many times I found I had to wait longer for more "real" hunger.
So many times I realised that I didn't really want what I was planning on eating.

I need so little food in comparison to what I initially thought. Actually, the amount of food I need to remain nourished had me concerned that I was subconsciously starving myself.

I need to listen to my body so much more. For some reason I find it harder on the weekend but I am not worried about it, I am making amazing progress during the week and the rest will eventually follow I am sure.

The scale I use is very simple

7 = FULL

I found that the majority of the time I was ready to eat around 3.
Occasionally I would get to number 2.
I naturally stop eating around 5 and 6.
When I was dieting I would imagine I was around number 2.
In reality I was probably a 5.
I would then eat until I reached 8,9 and sometimes 10.
I don’t remember the last time I made it to a 9 let alone 10.
Even when I overeat I rarely make it to an 8.

SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT THE LAST WEEK: Re-discovering the hunger scale and how well it works for me

THIS WEEKS GOAL: Start an exercise routine

Friday, March 30, 2007


I know I said I wasn't going to post until Monday but I am so excited I had to share the news....I just signed up for the Multi-media Beyond Chocolate course in the UK.

Very excited!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

A visit from the Chocolate Fairy


Oh I got a message from the Beyond Chocolate Fairy! How exciting, and thank you to Liquorice Torpedeos for emailing them but I still have not received any emails. I have no idea why it is not working and not sure what to do about that. I double checked thru my inbox but nada, nil, zip, zilch zero!

In other news, The Peaches and Cream forum is up and running (whoo hoo) There are a few of us on there who have or are about to discover the brilliant Beyond Chocolate Book.

Yesterdays goal was to leave a small amount of food on my plate at each meal and concentrate on how I feel about it. Well I didn’t much like it at all! At one stage I did rebel but I am going to keep at it. I felt quite disheartened yesterday. I have been natural eating since November 23rd last year and still do not really have the hang of it. I put on a regular top I wear yesterday and it was snug and I felt like crap but I am sure it will all fall into place for me one day.

Although I still overeat often, I can notice some positive changes:
  1. I very rarely experience uncomfortable fullness.
  2. I eat a lot slower than I used to
  3. I am more aware of what I am doing whilst overeating
  4. I wear clothes that fit me
  5. I notice more positive things about my body now
  6. I can save yummies in the house until I am hungry rather than polish them off straight away
  7. I scoff and turn over the page when I encounter a new diet in my weekly magazine
  8. I eat real cheese and love it
  9. I eat tuna with oil...and love it
  10. I eat real yoghurt....and.....LOVE IT
  11. I am not scared to go out
I know I am not following the principles 100% and until I do I will not find the total success I am looking for. It is only around Dermat that I lose the plot. We relax together at night by watching TV and consuming calories and it's a very hard habit to escape from.

I am going to start posting once a week on Monday’s so I can see more progress within my entries.


THIS WEEKS GOAL: Re-read Beyond Chocolate

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Hunger Within

EDIT: An Intuitive Eating Forum is currently under construction. Please visit Brooke's blog or take this link to request membership - the more the merrier and the support will help us all on this journey. PLEASE SIGN UP.


Yesterday goal was to start working on the Hunger Within Workbook. I bought this book a long time ago. Almost 2 years but for some reason I gave up on Intuitive Eating and started a diet that helped me to gain more weight before coming to my senses.

I also started the Nectar course, and Australian version of learning to be a natural eater (from the book “Diet No More”).
I really wanted to do the Beyond Chocolate course but I sent two emails in the last 10 days and they were not answered. If the workshops do come to Australia as previously mentioned than I will sign up for them.

Anyway, I have decided to go back to both work books and finish them off this time.

I spoke to my brother today and I am finally going to meet his new girlfriend this weekend. I automatically started to panic and mentally went thru my wardrobe trying to find something that would make me “look slimmer”. I want to make a good impression. The more I thought about it the worse I felt and I polished off the feeling by overeating.

I notice that even when I binge nowadays I rarely eat to the point of being uncomfortably full. This is progress and the more I thought about it the more I realised that there is not a single item of clothing in the world that can make me look the way I would want to this weekend so I am going to make the most of what clothing I have and be relaxed and comfortable in that.

Thank you for the notes from bloggers regarding my understanding my emotions when it comes to overeating. I guess I am starting to understand some of the choices I make but I am still finding it very hard right now to stop overeating. I guess that is going to come with time.


TOMORROWS GOAL: (From Tthe Hunger Within) Leave a small amount of food on my plate at each meal and concentrate on how I feel about it

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Educating Leesha


Yesterday goal was to turn to exercise regularly. I went for a 30 minute walk and a 15 minute run today.

I also learnt a lot today.

To start with, I learnt that I resent eating if I have to sit and concentrate on just that. I don’t want to waste time by just sitting there eating, I want to be multi-skilled. I want to read and stand and watch TV and eat all at the same time.

  • I learnt that this is stupid.
  • I learnt that I have plenty of time in the day to take time out for just me and food
  • I learnt that I eat less if I sit at the table and eat and concentrate on my food
  • I learnt that if I close my eyes while I am eating I can’t scoff the food, I can’t physically eat fast, I am forced to notice the taste, the texture, how my body feels, I might look a bit like a twit but I like to eat with my eyes closed
  • I have learnt that the minute I sit at the table to eat my daughter will decide she wants to talk to me and hover around me
  • I have learnt that if I find something to occupy her, I can sneak into my bedroom and eat in silence…with my eyes closed
  • I have learnt that no matter how good the homemade Burcher muesli tastes, and no matter how hungry I feel, it is impossible to enjoy food whilst my 4 year old shares the story about the time she vomited so much it felt like an explosion in her throat!

SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT TODAY: Understanding myself more

TOMORROWS GOAL: Start looking at The Hunger Within workbook